The Land Between- My Story
Yesterday I introduced us to the land between, and I promised to share two stories of my own experience in the land between.
Today I’ll tell you about an experience of the land between that took place 4 years ago, and tomorrow I’ll share with you about the land between our family is experiencing now.
Like we mentioned yesterday,the land between is fertile soil for emotional collapse AND personal growth. (I have experienced both). In this place of discouragement and unremitting difficulty, the core of who we are gets beaten up and challenged daily. The trial is taking place two places- in the arena of our everyday, practical life, and deep within.
Here is what I learned in my first experience:
You are Single & Pregnant: Welcome to the Land Between
I don’t need to recount the whole story of how I became a single mom for you to know the moment I found out I was pregnant was a game-changing moment of my life.
I suddenly became acutely aware my life was no longer what I thought it was or was going to be. I had been thrust into Plan B faster than my mind could get a grip on what that would exactly mean.
This is how it always goes. We rarely tip-toe into the most dramatic moments of our life. The awareness of our new situation happens in an instant, as a slap across the face, even if the events leading up to this instant have been gaining momentum for years.
Plan B situations always land us smack dab in the middle of the land between. We are suddenly stranded between who we once were and who we have yet to become. We can’t go backwards, yet we don’t know the path forward either.
The moment the pregnancy test read pregnant I couldn’t go back to being the woman I was, even 10 seconds before. However, I wasn’t a mother yet either. I was something in between: My identity was so rattled, I barely felt human anymore. Instead, I was this thing- this 20-something, lost and confused thing, with another thing growing inside of her.
Who am I?
Observation No. 1 about the Land Between: When we first find ourselves in the land between who we are and what life is really about becomes unrecognizable.
I was already 2 months pregnant when I found out I was pregnant. Which means I traveled through almost the entire first trimester in oblivian. I went about doing the things I normally did, completely unaware of the reality that was taking shape underneath all my ‘normal activity.’
Where am I?
In certain cases, like my own, we were headed in the direction of the land between long before we find ourselves there.
Observation No. 2 about the Land Between:It is the awareness of our situation more than the situation itself that defines entrance into the land between.
Pregnant and single, this land between quickly became overwhelming. By the time I was 6 months pregnant, everyday was ripe with panic attacks. My mind was spinning wheels of worry faster and faster and faster.
Until…I collapsed and spent 5 days in the hospital.
How am I going to deal?
Observation No. 3 about the Land Between:The land between becomes feeding ground for breakdowns the more out of control with worry over the future we become.
Let’s flash forward 1 year from the time I was pregnant and hospitalized to the time I was a mother to a 9 month old thriving in my role as a single mom.
I had not reached the other side of the land between yet. I was still in the middle of my season as a single parent. However, I was no longer ruled everyday by anxiety or fear. And, (this is big) I was no longer resentful toward God about my situation. Somewhere along the path of my daily life changing diapers and nursing a newborn, I had stopped complaining about where I was and I stopped lamenting the loss of my old identity. Still in the middle of uncertainty, I shifted my gaze somewhere new, somewhere more hopeful. I started embracing what was now, and actively looking for the light in the future…
And the experience of the land between changed.
What if this isn’t a bad place after all?
Observation No. 4 about the Land Between: The land between does not have to be a dry desert filled only with discouragement and despair. The land between is actually rich with possibility.
My own story, like all of our stories, has many more important details that just can’t fit into one blog post. Yet, my story as a whole doens’t get much more complicated than this:
I entered the land between in an instant, although by the time I realized I was there I had long been heading in it’s direction. My identity was rattled and I spent the first part of my journey in the land between trying to reconsile with who I thought I was and who I was becoming. I placed a lot of resentment on God and denied responsibility even for my emotions. Discouragement, disappointment, fear and anxiety ruled my day. The land between felt like a dry desert where my spirit would eventually die.
THEN…new life started to grow. I began to grow. The land between became my most fertile grounds for character transformation.
Where in my story did the land between shift into a place of fertile soil for personal growth?
That is a question I am still reflecting on.
In part, I believe the shift in the land between occurs when our understanding of who we are and what life is about gets grounded again in love. Love of the original, divine kind. Love that marks us above and beyond all our transgressions and mistakes.
That’s all I’ll say on this thought for right now, because if I dive much futher, this post might turn into a book. 
For today, it is enough to tell you that if you find yourself traveling in the land between, you are in a place that is actually ripe with possibility. Possibility for a bright new future, yes…. But even more significantly, possibility for a grounding new belief in who you are and what your life is about.
What would it look like for you to explore it? Share your thoughts on any of this stuff in the comments below.
